Absolutely No Regrets

let’s talk about my last 10 months! I’m 100% honest when I say, I have absolutely no regrets! Although it didn’t end the way I wanted, I learned so much about me from it! To me, that’s a win!

I met that man by chance randomly one day of POF <Plenty of Fish> Dec 5th 2020! He was charming, unique, handsome, kind, socially awkward in a cute way. When MP came into my life, I never saw it coming and had no idea where it would lead! He had told me that night on the way to meet me, he was a fan of backrubs and if I was good he might just wife me up 😹 who knew that would begin my life as a massage therapist lol! We met at old number 1 uptown in my town. He instantly told me I was beautiful and I was pretty smitten at that point!

fast forward 3 months later, we are still doing the same thing, p.s. I was pretty good at back rubs! His house or mine. There was no strings, no emotions, no feelings <until there was>! In March of 2021 something just told me I needed to get away. I knew I had feelings and didn’t know where he stood so I walked away.

From March 7th until may 7th we took a break! Let’s talk about this break! I knew I had saw a couple people during and he had too! I know because one of the girls he messaged was a friend of mine, and another one he messaged and actually went to hangout with was another friend of mine. Let’s be honest, the one he hung out with… oh this story is epic! I didn’t mind it about this story till August but man was it worth the wait 😹

the story of MP/KW!!!! She told me about it. These are her words and yes she knows about this post already and approved this “chapter” lol! I never said a thing to him after she told me, you’ll find out why soon! So he had be hounding her to hangout so finally she did. When he got to her house she said she wasn’t feeling it! There were sitting on the couch talking and she brought up so you know Lacey sue boo! He responded with ” Ya she’s a good girl” and talked about me! Ya’ll how freaking sweet is that! After that she really wasn’t feeling it so she went outside called her mom and told her to find her a way out of this “date” so she went back inside and boom momma called ” her kid isant feeling good and she needed to come get him” bahaha so she forced him out and went and picked up her son! See here’s the reason we didn’t tell him I knew! KW was planning a speech incase we ended up staying together! This speech was epic and ended with because my mom said so!

On May 7th, MP reached back out to me. I denied. I was okay alone. I was okay with life, but secretly my heart yearned to go back. So on may 10th <which is a horrible date for me> I reached out and asked to come stay. He immediately said Sure! That’s when everything started to change littleby little. I knew where my heart was, I knew what I wanted. I wasn’t forsure where he stood but all that mattered was I was back in my safe place and he was happy with me being there!

FInding a safe place was so important to me, I struggled with alone, I struggled with my heart, and with so many insecurities. That man, that man could make me feel like I was worth so much with just the touch of his hand. Our short hangouts started turning into more. We would spend more and more time together. Laying around, watching Roseanne or some dorky documentary that he wanted to watch on YouTube. You see this man, he has BIG DREAMS just like me, he’s very work focused and I was not about to stand in his way. So I started learning as well. For me it was important to share his goals and I loved his ambition.

by June I was doing his laundry, and basically a house wife to a man I wasn’t even “committed” to! I didn’t mind one bit, you see by this point my heart was completely submerged into his. We started taking random lil trips to pickup cars and what not and i looked forward to every single adventure wether it was out and about or it was hanging around the house. His time was all I required! By this point i knew I would do anything for this man. He knew so too, let’s be honest it was written on my face!

in July we started off strong. We spent basically an entire 3 day weekend together and it was absolutely so incredible. He got distant after that, I knew he was struggling with his feelings. You see this man, even though he seemed super together on the outside, I could tell on the inside he was changing. I saw it on his eyes, in the way he touched me, in the way he did everything! I knew he was scared but I had no choice but to let it be and pray he would come back! 22 days, 22 of the longest days of my life! I broke I cried, I fell short. By this time I knew I was in love with this man. This was big for me because this was my first real non alcoholic based relationship. I was truly feeling everything!

August 11th came! I went back…. this time was completely different. Complete game change. I was back in my safe place, I was happy but i had no idea what was to come! We started spending more time together. It wasn’t until August 21st when life really changed for us! I knew he was with his friends that night and I expected to hear nothing from him. I was with friends when I received a text that was going to change everything for me. It was decided I was going to go to him, but I had no idea what was in store.

He ended up picking me up at his house and looked at me straight in the face and said “You’re about to meet everyone that’s important to me, are you ready? And in that moment I said “as ready as I’ll ever be” and he said “You’re with me now” I went and met his friends, we had a pretty remarkable evening and I was so happy!

After that we started changing more and more, I could see his feelings change even though he wasn’t willing to admit them. He struggled with feelings so much but I decided I’d just carry enough for both of us because I was determined to make this work.

we started cooking, doing dinner, spending more time and that’s all I really needed/ wanted! I was content and he was happy! I’ll never forget the night he wanted to have ribeyes haha I asked him whose cooking these, he said you 😹 ladies and gentleman I had never in my life made a steak before this night! I called for help on how to fix them but we’ll in my opinion that steak was BAD 😹😹😹 but he continued to tell me how great it was and how much he appreciated me! That’s how I knew right then and there, he was just as smitten with me!

I’ll never forget the day I showed up with a mini fridge because his big one was broken. He looked at me and said “You didn’t need to do that” I responded with “I wanted to, it’s hot and you need cold drinks and food ” he then said “I’ve never had anyone care about me or my wellbeing like you do, other than my mother and I’m not sure how to feel about that” that stuck with me so hard, because he finally realized how much I cared! That’s all that mattered to me, he was happy!

You see, this man has been hurt before, and I was bound determined to prove to him that I wasn’t going to do that to him. He deserved the world and I was going to give it to him regardless what I did to my own heart in the meanwhile!

by September there was no question I was full blown invested in to this. I started trying to work on how I could give this man the best birthday ever! I had 6 weeks to figure it out, so I talked to one of his friends about opinions of getting a cabin and going to Tennessee for a weekend and trying to figure out how to do this. Finally I just discussed it with Mp and it was decided that with busy season <he lays asphalt> we’d wait till December which actually worked perfect that would be our 1 year mark. Whether he realized it or not, I had no idea and i didn’t care! He was my everything!

September was a good month for us, it brought us a lot closer than ever before. You see that was the problem, he started getting to close and i knew it was only a matter of time and he was going to run! That’s what he did, he’d catch feelings and have to run away until they wore off! The end of September I made a choice! I knew I needed more, I knew I needed to just tell him how I felt!

So I went there one night, with every intention on telling him how I felt, and I couldn’t! It was almost like he knew that was going to be my last night.. it was absolutely perfect,, every single part of it was perfect in my eyesight! I was so scared of losing him but I knew what I needed to do. So that next morning I packed all my stuff that was laying around the house and I left with the thoughts it may be the last time I ever see this house! It broke me! I finally got the courage so I sent him a message! “Do you have feelings” I do, and I need to know were working towards the same goal. He responded with he still didn’t want a relationship, he had to many focuses! He completely bypassed the “do you have feelings” and I knew right then he was scared! 3 days, I sat and I cried trying to decide what to do. I cried morning to night and I wake myself up crying again. I knew I just didn’t care, I’d settle for an uncommitted relationship because my heart belonged with him. I had no idea that out of 11 days we’d spend 6 of them together and that would be the end of everything. Those 6 days were some of the very best!

The ending I know everyone’s waiting on : The season finale of the Mp/ Lacey sage

I’ll never forget one of our finals nights we went for Mexican with my girlfriend. The entire time he was talking to her everything he discussed when it came to me was “us, we, and clearly made into a couple.” That night my girlfriend told me in front of him I had a unique personality and he agreed. I almost got offended and he said “no that’s a good thing”. That very night after we all went home, I reached out about coming to see him and he agreed. He showed me pictures of his dad’s house on Google, where he grew up, and just spent time down memory lane with me.

Then, then there was night I collapsed and got stitches, that man could have easily left me to hangout by myself when he knew I was hurt but instead we went and had dinner at the Wurst Place then came home < he referred to both of our houses as home, as did i> and went to bed watching a

a comedian on Netflix , on a Saturday night. My morphine was still in my system I was sleepy and the whole time that man sat and played with my hair while I basically slept on him! Our one Saturday night in 2 months and we were still in bed before 9! I didn’t mind, I was with the only person I cared to be with!

That Sunday Morning was pretty great, I woke up to him playing on Facebook while I was asleep. He told me about his birthday camping trip with the boys was canceled and seemed bummed about that. So after he left that Sunday I had, what I thought was a great idea. I reached out to one of his friends that I had met and asked if he’d want to help me throw MP a surprise Birthday Fire!

That Wednesday evening I went over and we had a great evening as normal. Had I know it was going to be my last, I’d held tighter, I’d kissed him more, I’d woke up and said goodbye instead of sleeping in! But I had no idea what was coming next!

We chatted that evening and everything was fine 🙂, my heart was still intact!

That Friday I was busy planning this fire and working I didn’t get to talk to him. That evening his buddy that was helping me was going out to dinner with MP and was gonna poke around with what he was don’t Saturday night so we could plan this properly! That was the last thing I knew! Next thing was next, I went to send MP a message and I couldn’t! I was blocked 🚫! My heart instantly crumbled, I had no idea what was going on. In the pouring rain I drove to his house and stood knocking at his door in the rain. You see I’ve always just went right in, that was a home to me, but knowing something was wrong I was begging respectful. I noticed headlights out front and that’s when I saw him stumble to the neighbors. I said MP can I atleast go in and get my stuff. He said ” ya you can” so we both walked in different doors. He was looking for something I think the key to the prious but he refused to look at me or talk to me. This man has always looked me in the eyes regardless what was going on and this particular night he refused. Im sure he didn’t want to see the tears! I followed him to his car and I asked what was going on. “You’re Freaking Me Out Lacey, you’re throwing me a surprise party, you’re freaking me out!” I said so I deserved to be blocked? “It’s the only thing I knew what to do” and he told me he had to go and drove away!

I was broken, my everything was gone, my spirit was stripped, my heart smashed. How, how in the hell do I get this, all because I tried to be nice and fix his birthday weekend with a surprise fire with his friends. Im assuming either someone told him about the party or his buddy helping me slipped, but regardless he found out and that was that because my MP normally isant drunk before 8pm he rarely drinks period. And he was good and drunk and avoiding me, and eye contact with me completely! That night an hour after I left, he unblocked me! Which opened up hope in my eyes! He unblocked me and said nothing, not a word, just left me on unread Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday!

I cried my eyes out for couple days straight. So confused, so upset, what did I do, why now, what in the hell is going on, this is a mistake. Then I’d switch over to wait a minute. Dude is struggling with his feelings again. No eye contact, no goodbyes <and believe me dude didn’t hide is pissiness>, he’s never held back what he thought, so I knew it was different this time. I knew he got scared! We were getting closer, he was now making comments on us, we, and things. He really had feelings and didn’t know how to handle that. It was time…. time to run! Every time we got closer he ran, ran hard and fast. Avoidance was definitely there every time.

That Tuesday the 19th! I’d sat quiet, I waited till about noon and it was killing me. You see, that was his birthday! It broke me, 💔 I just wanted to be able to tell him happy birthday! I had already given him his gifts, but I needed him to know I was still there! I still cared, I’d forgave him …. so next brilliant idea! One of my friends told me to just leave him a voice mail that way he knew I was thinking about him. I knew they were busy working on a big asphalt job so I called, and left a simple voice mail! ” Hey its me, I just wanted to tell you happy birthday, you can get a hold of me when you want!” That’s it, and i left out at that! Tuesday night I realized he blocked me again! I was hurt, why even unblock me for 5 days of you weren’t going to say Anything!

At this point KW was pissed with me because what was the point in this game! So she started messaginghim in my defense and of course he didn’t want to speak of me! So to this day, no one will ever know what really happened. Whether he just got scared because he wasn’t holding his feelings back or if he never really cared!

personally I can’t believe he never cared! I won’t believe that regardless what anyone says! That man cares, but he has goals and refuses to settle down until he hits them! Personally I don’t see it really being over! I think at some point our lives will cross again! And maybe then we can be honest with each other about what happened!

that man will always hold a place in my heart ❤, that man was my everything and the first man I was ever really vulnerable with! One week ago, my life changed drastically and do i miss him? Absolutely but im also a strong woman who knows I didn’t do him wrong in any way, shape or form! It just happened and i hate it but now all I can do is count it as one of my greatest blessings and let it be! Had I not experienced this, I wouldn’t have learned: what I really want, what I need, how to tell someone these things, I wouldn’t have realized what I deserve and I wouldn’t have learned my self worth!

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