Convictions straight to the ❤️

This… this right here! I think this is a phenomenal reminder to us all! To be honest, I read this and instantly felt convictions. Through the last 6 months… so much of me has changed. If you would have asked me 6 months ago where I stood in life, I can 💯 tell you… NOT WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW! As the last 6 months have gazed through, I can not tell you how many times I’ve heard “oh you can’t just change”, “are you really doing as good as you seem to be, or are you just putting on a front”…. or better yet when someone throws a dig my direction that aims to the past! As I struggle to handle those digs, one by one I get harder and harder on myself. I am my own worst enemy! The last 2 months Satan has been constantly fighting a hard fight in my life. One disaster after another for 6 solid weeks. There were lots of moments I had every chance to just say forget it, I don’t want to do this anymore and could have slipped right back into old habits… but instead by the Grace of God and the humans He has blessed me with…. im still right where I need to be!

But what I really need to process is…. Not everyone has the kind of Tribe ive blessed with. Not everyone has someone to run to, pray with, hold accountable. We all like to think we are good humans, but are we really doing what is called upon us, or merely just meeting the bare qualifications. It’s so easy to just be like “oh there a lost cause” “I’ve tried as much as I can, now it’s on them” goodness just typing that made me realize “I” myself am just as guilty of this as anyone else!

When I saw this meme about drugs the first part hit me hard, because I struggle with understanding addiction with drugs! I’ve watched it personally destroy so many lives, and I instantly get angry when I even think about it… but what I realized is… what I don’t do is try harder for those people. I just cross them off, cut them out and walk away. That… laid a conviction I can’t even hide from. That hits right in the soul, why am I not loving them more? Why am I not helping more? Why do I get to decide what is the lessor of 2 evils and pick and choose who I show God’s love to and who I don’t! I shouldn’t be making that choice, I should be loving everyone just the same. Every sin is the same in God’s eyes! That’s a hard pill to swallow considering what sins there are in today’s world. Although drugs have been a part of my past, I should consider myself lucky that… they weren’t ever an addiction I held on to. I could come and go as I pleased and walk away like it never happened, but for me because I saw first hand what they could do to someone life, I think I just immediately cut ties with anyone and everyone that did them. Maybe it was because I’m so prone to random addictions, maybe I was scared if I was around them I’d cave and go back to that part of me. When it comes to drugs I just put up a wall and that’s not fair. Why should someone’s addiction to drugs be any worse than my own addictions through the years.

Looking back now, the person I was to those people wasn’t always very good…. am I trying more absolutely but have I always nope, sure haven’t! I think when things happen to us and if involves certian parts of our past we are so quick to just “nope, im not having anything to do with that Because someone might think I’m doing it if I’m around them!” when in reality….. those who aren’t addicted, should be offering shelter to those who are! Praying for someone is a magical gift, but if we aren’t also trying to pray with them…. are we really showing them love and grace! It’s so easy to say, oh I prayed for them, hopefully they wake up…. but the truth is… we should be praying, teaching, lending, helping, and active in their recoveries if we really want to make the change. If they don’t know you are praying for them, how can they feel the love of they are lost.

Through out my past, regardless which “addiction, or sin” I was entertaining, looking back I’ve always had help out. Someone that wasn’t willing to give up on me. Someone who pushed me through some of the darkest moments, so why am I not constantly doing that for others? I should be doing more. Like every human, I struggle.. temptations are always on the rise! It’s so hard to break bad habits, it’s hard to not be that person in the status quo, let alone destroy generational cycles and cycles of your past you’ve always had did to a situation that brought you to that! We <me included> are so quick to judge… so quick to put someone down, even if we don’t realize we are doing so! I’ve caught myself doing it, when making a joke or teasing someone! Then when it happens to me, my heart gets broken. I’m quick to “why can’t everyone see that I’m not that person anymore”, why do they have to bring up something from my past and throw it in my face? Then the conviction lays “I’m guilty too.”

The second part about a girls Past 😳🙄🙅‍♀️In today’s world its so hard to change because so many people want you to stay the same. People come accustomed to who you are, what you did, and what you stand for… that when you make those changes although they are huge for you… there’s always going to be someone that tries to tear you down and bring you back to that place. There’s always gonna be that person who can’t leave your past at bay, they need to remind you who you were instead of looking at who you Are, but maybe they just need love for their insecurities! Most people honestly don’t realize they are even doing it, I didn’t. I can tell you in the last month…. there were a couple trying times I caught myself seeing old parts of me trying to pop up… and it was a battle. It was emotionally playing a toll on me…. at one point one of my Tribe called me out, and honestly as soon as she did I knew and agreed and had already caught it myself. She was terrified to bring it to my attention because she knew I was already a mess but honestly I thanked her. I was stressed, I was mad at the world, I was so angry with what was on my plate the bitterness was getting the best of me but thankfully I noticed too. Thankfully I caught my attitude and I adjusted back from it. I was so mad at myself, how could I come this far and then be handed a uncertainty and instantly be angry. She just kept reassuring me that due to being on fire, the devil was simply trying to win. He fought hard for 6 solid weeks.

Here’s where I have to count my blessings on those who are in my life, I have to grow some tougher skin for those who can’t handle my changes and just pray someday they will see and I need to just keep trying to be more like Jesus! I need to stop holding myself to my past, like a prison I’m apart of! I have to learn to tell people when they hurt my feelings, as well as own my own mistakes when I chose to not show love and grace and hurt someone else’s feelings as well. There’s always always always room for improvements, it’s easy to always assume the worst about everyone else but maybe we <including me> needs to learn and face the worst of yourselves. Could you imagine what the world could be like if you just took the time to reach out to those struggling instead of condemning them? You don’t have to wait for tomorrow to have a fresh start, you don’t have to wait for church on Sunday, the beauty in all of this is…. at any point in time you can take that conviction, drop it off and start from scratch. As I’m quick to feel attacked, I also need to be quick to realize we all fall short. We all struggle but with different things. We all just need love and grace. We all need to face the truth that There was one perfect soul, and he died so we didn’t have to hold those sins anymore! If we all started loving more, started building more tribes, started aiming towards the same goals instead of placing so much judgements… maybe just maybe we would see some major changes in the world. Just some random food for thought….

Until later 💛 Lacey Sue

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