This morning.. as normal I’m sitting at milk and 🍯 doing my daily prepping, and decided I hadn’t went through my photo albums in a while. So i decided i would go through and delete some unneeded stuff, and make space in my phone! <any one who knows me know, i take way too many pictures 🤣🤣, way too many memes, and save quotes all the time>
So I came across this… and I was like Wow… then I laughed! I laughed because when I saved this… I truly had no idea why I was saving it or atleast not a reason I remembered. So then I was like well, when did I save it so I looked…
So after I seen the date i giggled because God knew exactly what he was doing that day the 10, my mother’s passing the 10th, and today because today is also the 10th 💛! He was preparing me for what was to come. He was preparing me for what was to come 2 months later to that exact date<my mother’s death! At that point I was slowly diving head first into my faith, at a decent pace. I was excited, i loved being back into church! I had just started being back into a Bible study. I was enjoying my fellowship with other Christian friends and my conversations digging into the Bible here and there. In May I was still pretty new to the church and barely digging my feet in. I was so scared of most people 🤣. As much of a people person as I am, im just as terrified as anyone else is to meet new people!
About 5 months ago I was talking to my old junior high principal <She’s still one of my BIGGEST Supporters, bless her ❤️ she’s always had my back and had faith in me> and we were discussing with me going back to church and going back to college, how it was kinda like I was getting a “Do-Over” at life, all over again! Life at 17 fell apart and when the hard hit, I was not mentally, physically, or spiritually prepared! I fell off the path and just kept down the beaten path being stubborn… bound determined I could do it all by myself!
I truly believe when it says “I’ve already assigned angels to you” that was the truest statement ever said! Within the next 2 months what started as mere fellowships, became some of the most heartfelt friendships I’ve ever encountered. This statement above ☝️☝️! I truly believe God was preparing me for what was to come, and trying to keep me on the path this time! He brought some of the most amazing humans into my life in so many different ways. It wasn’t like I just showed up at the church and boom here this is it… it was more like oh hey, “I’m a school secretary”, “I own a coffee shop”, ” I work for Blue Cross Blue Shield”, “I’m a Personal trainer” and soo on! These random little friendships slowly became family! When they came into my life I had no idea what kind of part they were going to play in my story but let me tell you this my friends…. without those 4 humans… I wouldn’t be where I am right now! Those 4 humans took on big roles without any intentions of doing so, im sure they had no idea what was coming there way either but I hope they know how much they have been a blessing in my journey!
Let’s jump to 2 months after this picture <July 10th>! That Sunday morning will stick in my head forever! Getting ready for church, it was our first Sunday as 1 congregation together! Wesley walked in the house and something was off. He looked at me and he said “Mom, they took grandma in the ambulance to the hospital” I said ” what for this time” “she was unresponsive” my heart stopped. I held it together, he asked if he could skip church so he could wait for papa to call with an update and I said we’d all stay home. I went to the porch .. moments later dad called to confirm she was gone.
That day will be a blur forever for me! I was surrounded by so many loved ones and I will forever be greatful! I will probably never remember the conversations that took place, I was in pure shock, completely shut down.
Those 4 humans I was slowly building Christian relationships with… I had no idea how much I was going to need them over the next few weeks! I had no idea God put them in my life for a reason, but there definitely was a full plan in play! In all honesty at the time of my mother’s death I was in a somber place between wanting to reach for God, and wanting to go back to my comfort zones, that I had slowly started giving away. When my mother died… I had every chance to quit just like I did when I lost every thing I was at 17…. when my world fell apart I just quit and walked away! No one reeled me back in, it was easy to just let it all go. Satan was heavy and played a good game… he had so much to offer!
Where when my momma died… I had 4 people who relentlessly refused to give up on me… they kept me in check, they checked in on daily, they made sure I was where I needed to be, they made sure I knew I was loved, I was not alone, When I’d go quiet, they’d reach. They would remind me it was okay to talk to someone, that I needed to take care of me too, that I needed to process. One was on vacation and still made sure multiple times a day to check in, one would sit on the phone with me in silence so I just wouldn’t be alone <she still does this 💛>, one showed up to the services and constantly was an open ear, and one knows when I need her the most ever single time, she either shows up, texts, or calls like her ears are burning, and constantly lifts me in her prayers. Those 4 people kept me from wandering down a path that could have destroyed me. Those 4 kept me accountable by just accepting me for who I was, and when I’d fall there was no judgements just pick back up and let’s go. It takes absolutely nothing to be kind, but it means everything! If we all just took the time to check in, step up, think more, pray, step up… for others even when we don’t know them very well… think of the impact that we can make! 3/4 of these humans barely knew me at all! 2/4 of humans had never met any of my family! The 1 that was at the services knew me and my son barely, but regardless out of their comfort zones they stepped because they knew we needed them! What could have been a complete disaster, and caused me to completely go back to my old ways…. pushed me the complete opposite direction!
I’ve been a prideful person my entire life! I’ve always wanted, needed, and expected myself to do it in my own! If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t and I’d just beat myself up for it and accept the fail! I was never good at asking for help, I was never good at reaching. That’s not how I process until now
Now before i go on Please don’t feel like the ones im not mentioning from my porch or my other friends/ family don’t play a significant part in my story, because they do. Just not with this part of the story! They all know how much i love them, and appreciate each and every one of them while heartily and how much they helped during my mother’s passing
The last Month has been quite a whirl wind for me. When I say I’ve made big changes, I mean HUGE! I took major leaps out of my comfort zone and let go of everything I had that made me comfortable! When I say everything I mean all of it. All the safety nets, all the things I’d run to, all the reassuring measures…. I let it all go when I made the choice to recommit myself fully! I’m Fully excited again, im excited, like a child ready to ask all the questions excited! I’m done trying to lean on me, it was a hard thing to do but I had to realize that I can’t do it alone! I can’t and don’t have to! My Savior did that for me! Learning to lean on my church family and on Jesus was hard at first because I’ve never had that before! I’m so unbelievably greatful for the encounters that have lead me to where I am, because now I no longer have to question my strength! At any point when I’m weak, I can reach out to any of these people and a ton more now that aren’t even mentioned yet and they are right there praying, lifting it up! God’s will is on His time and learning that! I absolutely can not wait to see what’s in store for me and how He will continue to use me!